Happy Birthday 'Stanley' The Stoma -"It's Been Emotional" Year 1.

The Story of 2021 So Far! 

What can I say about 2021 and my first year with 'Stanley the Stoma' ? ……."It's been emotional "

Since 2010, the month of January has always been the month in which I celebrated receiving a gift of life kidney transplant from my wife Mandi, on the 15^th January 2010. 

But now there was a new date to add to the calendar which will also have an added significance.

On January 3rd 2022, I ‘celebrated’ the first year of receiving a Stoma https://blackmenshealth.org.uk/2021/06/18/my-stoma-story-im-still-standing/   after my bowel ruptured, and I was dragged forcibly to hospital my Mandi in excruciating pain proclaiming “I’ll be ok in the morning, just give me a paracetamol” 

Little did I know at the time, that I was literally 24hrs from dying with sepsis after being diagnosed with diverticulitis.

Filming an awareness video for Sepsis UK 

As my stomaversary (yes that’s a thing), has been getting closer this week , I have been feeling very anxious, with flashbacks of being in the emergency room been told by the surgeons “We have to operate now and resection your bowel and give you a stoma or you will die” it was a very dark, depressing and worrying time.

Going from being a relatively fit and healthy Idris Elba lookalike ( ok I stretched the truth there) active man, to someone with part of his intestine protruding from his stomach and ‘depositing’ into a temporary bag, hit me hard but in those dark moments the words “We have to operate now and resection your bowel and give you a stoma or you will die” soon made me realise the alternative was a lot worse. 

                     Not quite Idris Elba                  

       No one can see the invisible illnesses 

 So, here we are, a few days into 2022, and looking back on one of the worst days of my life, (excluding Arsenal being defeated by Barcelona in the 2006 Champions League Final of course) , and I am a year post stoma. I am extremely  grateful to be still be around to experience great moments with family friends, as well as people I am yet to meet.

In addition, without going through the surgery I wouldn’t have been around to meet my new beautiful grandson Teddy, from my youngest son Rhys. Or see my other 5 Grandchildren grow up. 

Rhys and his son Teddy ( Edward) 

 Or watch my son Craig’s return to the boxing ring after his own fight with Covid in 2021, or partner in his own martial arts gym.

Craig outside his gym. Upgrade Martial Arts 

Through the wonderful work of the surgeons I will also be able to  walk my daughter Lauren  down the aisle at her wedding in April this year. Plus see her acting in the TV drama 'Grantchester' and other roles. 

Lauren (with the handbag) on the set of Grantchester

So, there is a lot to be thankful to 'Stanley' and I am grateful everyday.

Being able to work from home since having the stoma due to the Covid pandemic, has been a real advantage, as I was thankfully able to avoid any uncomfortable situations or questions regarding my “new friend* . Although after I shared my story on the company intranet , I received many supportive emails from colleagues ,including several who confessed to being ostomates themselves, which made me realise there are plenty of people going through the same struggle as myself.

Adjusting to a life with a stoma has been a challenging experience, and things I used to take for granted like my diet, wearing suitable clothing to hide the bags, finding accessible toilets, and feeling confident in my body again. However, sharing my story,  and raising awareness by supporting charities and individuals has helped me tremendously, its has been very enlightening and surprising to see how many people like me have been impacted by having a stoma.

I must be honest without having a fantastic support network and most of all my patient and understanding wife Mandi, the last year would have been infinitely more difficult to cope with.

Mandi & I supporting the African Caribbean Leukaemia Trust 

From my personal experience the last year as an ostomate has made me stronger, more empathetic and extremely grateful. Coupled with having the kidney transplant and then the stoma I have realised that I am built for these challenges I have overcome. That is not to say I am any sort of hero or icon etc, I am just a man who is grateful to has ‘taken a licking but keeps on ticking’.

So What’s Next ? 

In some cases of diverticulitis, the bowel can be repaired, and the stoma reversed, fortunately I can have mine reversed , it will not an easy process and will involve major surgery again and months or recuperation to get back to ‘normal.

I will still continue to work with charity organisations to raise awareness on the millions of people in the UK battling with invisible illnesses, including mental health programs, which is a major issues with regards to dealing with post traumatic surgeries.

An article I wrote for Tidings  (ColostomyUK) Magazine

In addition I will also continue to raise awareness on the need for organ donors at public speaking events, peer to peer advocacy and through my successful basketball event, the World Club Basketball Tournament, which will be hosted for the 6^th time in September 2022 .

So Happy New Year, here’s to another year of fun, excitement, trials and tribulations.